food rule vs preference
“I refuse to eat a specific food - is this disordered?”
Learning to eat in a way that’s best for your body can be tough. We are bombarded by nutrition information daily in the news and on social media, often delivered by people who are not even nutrition professionals. We try to adopt healthier eating patterns, but this can backfire when we realize we are living in our heads more than actually listening to our bodies. We mistakenly believe that the answer to living a healthier life is more self-control, more of saying “no” to ourselves... but this just isn’t the case.
Food rules are rigid guidelines we impose on ourselves that dictate what we can and cannot eat, when we can eat, and how much we can eat. An example of a food rule might be measuring out all of your food (whether with measuring cups or with calories) and refusing to go above a certain amount in a meal or day, or creating a rule that you will not eat sugar, gluten, dairy, etc. This could also look like restricting your eating to certain times of the day (looking at you, intermittent fasting).
Living with food rules can be problematic. Here’s why:
1. Food rules ignore the signals your body is sending you.
Hunger is a crucial signal your body gives you when it needs nourishment. Many of the food rules listed above will inevitably cause you to ignore that hunger, putting you in “biological restriction mode,” which can lead to more intense cravings, obsessive thoughts about food, and eventually overeating.
I know what some of you might be thinking — “I always eat when I’m hungry, I just won’t ever eat that food.” But psychological restriction can have the same effects as physical restriction — your brain amps up the reward response for the food you’ve labeled as off-limits, and suddenly it’s all you can think about. Eventually, you’re much more likely to overeat it.
2. Food rules lead to shame when they’re broken.
It’s wild how often we tie our value as a person to how we eat. Someone might say they’re “being good” by skipping dessert and “being bad” for eating a cheeseburger — when in reality, neither choice has any bearing on a person’s worth. Food rules can become a kind of personal moral code, even though we have the right to eat all foods without guilt.
This kind of thinking can turn meals into tests of discipline instead of sources of nourishment or joy. And when we “fail” a rule we set for ourselves, it doesn’t just feel like a minor mistake — it can feel like a character flaw. That is too much pressure for lunch.
How to Tell the Difference Between a Food Rule and a Food Preference
This conversation can get a little murky because we all have food preferences — certain foods we do or do not like, specific times of day we enjoy eating, textures we avoid, etc. These preferences can look like rules from the outside, but they are fundamentally different. Preferences are natural and can be life-giving; rules are rigid and shame-triggering.
So how can you tell which is which? Here’s the difference:
If going against your guideline brings up anxiety, shame, or guilt — it’s probably a food rule.
If you could break the guideline without emotional distress — it’s likely a preference.
The distinction lies in how emotionally disturbing it feels to violate the standard. Here’s a personal example: I used to have a rule that I could not eat more than one serving of dessert. When I thought about getting seconds, I felt intense shame and guilt. That was a food rule. On the other hand, I also have a longstanding dislike of cantaloupe. I really do not like it (ask my friends). I feel almost no emotion besides a general “ugh” when I think about eating it. I could eat it if I had to, but I just really don’t want to. That’s a preference.
Only you can determine whether something is a rule or a preference in your life. If you truly do not like dairy or gluten or another food, great. But make sure it is not a rule that is quietly holding you hostage with shame. Preferences are meant to guide you toward your most authentic self — not punish you or mold you into someone else’s idea of a “healthy eater.”
Preferences Can Lead You Toward Health
“Our preferences are like an internal compass. When we respect our preferences, we respect ourselves. We assert our humanity, express wholeness and freedom, and embody our inner wisdom.” — Jennifer Kreatsoulas
Our bodies are incredibly smart. For example, people who do not typically eat red meat might suddenly crave a hamburger during pregnancy — and for good reason: iron needs skyrocket during this time, and red meat is a great source of iron. Or maybe you have lactose intolerance and avoid milk. Or maybe, like me, you just really do not vibe with cantaloupe.
Following your preferences can help you discover a way of eating that truly works for your body and supports your wellbeing — and that is exactly what intuitive eating is all about.
Final Thoughts
Once you’ve started to recognize the difference between rules and preferences, you can begin creating a way of eating that supports both your physical and emotional health. If you feel like your food choices are dominated by rules, it might be worth focusing on those first. And the only way to get rid of a food rule? You have to challenge it — by intentionally breaking it, as many times as it takes to lower the anxiety that surrounds it.
It might be hard work, but it is so worth it for your peace of mind and your relationship with food.
